🚀 ISLE OF SKYE TOURIST BOARD — MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT

Following several months of highly confidential discussions, we’re delighted to confirm that the Isle of Skye is entering the international space race. The new Skye Space Programme will operate from a specially selected launch facility near Staffin. The location was chosen following an extensive technical assessment and because Donnie MacLeod had a field nobody was doing much with. The first mission, ‘Apolloch 1’ is expected to launch next year. Its initial objective will be relatively modest: The Moon. Mars will be considered once we see how that goes. Local crofter Donnie MacLeod, whose lower field will become the new launch complex, welcomed the announcement. “They asked if they could put a rocket in it. “I said aye.” “As long as they shut the gate.” Construction of the Staffin International Space Centre will begin shortly. Current plans include: • Launch pad • Mission Control • Visitor centre • Café • Parking for approximately 14 cars NASA has reportedly expressed an interest in the project. Elon Musk’s office has been contacted, but declined to comment at this time. Local aerospace consultant - Murdo MacKinnon, 76, has also raised concerns about the launch schedule. “They’ll not be launching anything in that wind.” Asked whether July might be more suitable: “Probably worse.” The first astronaut selection programme will begin later this year. Candidates must demonstrate excellent physical fitness, technical ability and previous experience reversing considerable distances after meeting a campervan on a single-track road. Successful astronauts will undergo six months of intensive training. Three months will be spent learning spacecraft systems. The remaining three will be spent trying to get a decent phone signal near Staffin. There is one final technical issue still to resolve. Scientists estimate the rocket will require approximately 7.5 million litres of fuel. Donnie currently has two red cans in the shed. He says one of them might still have diesel in it. Further updates will follow. Weather permitting. ISLE OF SKYE SPACE PROGRAMME 🚀 Apolloch 1 "Boldly going where no crofter saw any particular need to go."