ISLE OF SKYE TOURIST BOARD

UNCONFIRMED DEVELOPMENT ANNOUNCEMENT SCONSER GOLF CLUB & QUARRY REDEVELOPMENT The Isle of Skye Tourist Board has become aware of a currently entirely unverified proposal involving Donald Trump, Sconser Golf Club and what is being described as a “sensitive, sympathetic enhancement” of the neighbouring quarry. We have now seen the artist’s impression. “Sensitive” may require looking at. Under the proposal, Sconser Golf Club would remain operational, while the quarry immediately to the east would be transformed into a substantial golf, hotel and casino resort. The current working title appears to be: - TRUMP SKYE - GOLF • HOTEL • CASINO • VERY LARGE LETTERS Early plans suggest approximately 400 bedrooms, several restaurants, a spa, conference facilities, underground parking and a casino large enough to be visible from Raasay in reasonable weather. The exterior would reportedly feature black glass, gold columns, gold lettering, gold fountains and additional gold in areas where the original gold was considered insufficient. Donnie has described the design as “quite bold”. Murdo stared at the picture for some time before asking whether the quarry had done something wrong. - THE QUARRY Developers are said to regard the existing quarry as an ideal location, largely because a substantial hole already exists. Donnie says this could save millions in excavation costs. Murdo says filling a quarry with a casino is still technically filling it in. The principal hotel tower would reportedly rise from the rock face, providing extensive views across the Sound of Raasay. Guests booking the premium “Island View” rooms will be guaranteed a window facing Raasay. Whether Raasay itself is visible will remain a matter between the guest and the weather. - THE GOLF COURSE Sconser Golf Club would receive what has been described as a “world-class upgrade”. The Tourist Board understands this may include improved greens, a luxury clubhouse and several additional hazards. We have pointed out that Sconser already has wind, rain, sheep, sea and a quarry. Further hazards may be regarded as showing off. Donald Trump would, naturally, be expected to play the inaugural round. His security detail has asked whether sheep can be searched. They cannot. - THE CASINO Plans for the casino remain at an early stage, but a number of Highland-themed gaming opportunities are reportedly under consideration. These include: • CalMac Roulette — select a sailing and see what happens • Find the Passing Place — odds vary considerably in August • Weather or Not — bet on whether the Cuillins remain visible for ten consecutive minutes • Spot the Pothole — currently regarded as offering unacceptably favourable odds • Ferry Connection — the high-stakes table Donnie has suggested a fruit machine that pays out in Talisker. Murdo says that would be the first machine in a casino worth using. - THE HOTEL Guests at the proposed resort would have access to a luxury spa, several restaurants and what the brochure describes as “authentic Highland tranquillity”. The Tourist Board has asked how this will be achieved beside a casino, a golf course, the A87 and an operating quarry. We await clarification. The Presidential Suite would occupy the upper floors of the main tower and feature panoramic views across Skye. Donnie says every upper-floor suite will enjoy spectacular views across the Sound of Raasay. Murdo says the main concern is what Raasay will have to look at. - TRANSPORT & PARKING The development is expected to attract significant numbers of additional visitors. Fortunately, IOSTB has recently completed extensive theoretical work on an island-wide clockwise traffic system. Guests approaching from Broadford will turn left into the resort. Guests who miss the entrance will continue clockwise around Skye and be given another opportunity later. This is being described as “circulatory valet parking”. A helicopter pad has also appeared on the drawings. Donnie asked whether this might interfere with the Staffin Space Programme. Nobody had informed the developers about the Staffin Space Programme. They have now been informed. - LOCAL EMPLOYMENT Supporters of the largely un-verified proposal believe a development of this scale could create jobs in hospitality, golf, catering, maintenance and tourism. The Tourist Board has also identified several more specialised positions: Gold-polishing technician. Raasay-view reassurance officer. Full-time sheep liaison assistant. And one member of staff permanently stationed at reception explaining that no, the Fairy Pools are not beside the hotel. Murdo has expressed interest in the casino security position. He says he already owns a dark jacket and can look suspiciously at people for several hours without a break. - THE CAP One element of the initial publicity photographs has already attracted considerable attention. Mr Trump appears to be wearing a red cap bearing the words: "MURDO SAYS NO." We have asked Murdo whether he authorised this. He says no. Which, admittedly, is consistent with the branding. - THE TOURIST BOARD POSITION The Isle of Skye Tourist Board traditionally welcomes investment that supports local employment, infrastructure and the wider visitor economy. We are less certain about constructing something in Sconser that can be seen from the International Space Station. Donnie believes some sympathetic landscaping could possibly soften the impact. He has suggested two rhododendrons. Murdo says make it three. For avoidance of doubt: the IOSTB re-iterates that the development is unsubstantiated at present, and developers are unavailable to comment on whether Mr Trump has indeed bought Sconser Golf Club, and whether the Trump hotel or casino development at the Sconser quarry is definitely moving ahead. That said, Donnie has already offered to price the foundations. - ISLE OF SKYE TOURIST BOARD "Skye. Now visible from space for entirely different reasons."